Dealing With Difficult Colleagues

In your lifetime you will meet all kinds of people. Some are good, some are, ah... difficult. Because of this, you have to know how to deal with different kinds of people, especially the difficult ones.

It is tough enough to have to deal with difficult people, but when it happens in the work place, things could get ugly. Especially, if you find your professional contribution being undermined by a difficult co-worker.

Difficult people come in several varieties

Being difficult basically means making things harder for other people. But there are several ways in which a difficult person, specifically a colleague can make your life hard. There are those who just talk about their issues and never listen to what you have to say. There are those who constantly criticize your work (as well as other's).

 There are those who try to outdo you in everything - power, the spotlight, etc., often to your detriment. Some of them try to undermine you constantly that you will eventually feel the need to be on the look out all the time. There are those who form groups (or cliques if you will) and make you feel left out. Then there is your boss. He can be intimidating and play favorites. The favored individual rubs it in just to make you feel inferior.

These people and situations exist in every workplace. There is no choice but to deal with them. Either that, or you do not venture out of your house ever again. No matter what kind of difficult situation you find yourself in, you must learn how to address these people and situations.

Why you have to deal wit difficult people?

Believe it or not, not proactively doing anything about it won't solve you problem. Your situation will only worsen if you choose not to address it. Unaddressed, the problem is like a volcano waiting to explode. The issues just simmer on the inside only to erupt counterproductively.

It is natural to feel shocked at first when a colleague treats you unprofessionally. But if you analyze your situation, you will realize that you are not alone. Once, the entirety of the situation hits you, it impossible for you to just live with it. Most likely, you will become so angry, pained and so fed up that when you finally address the situation, your approach become irrational. It is best to address the difficult co-worker or situation while you are still able to keep a level of objectivity and self-control.

What happens if you fail to deal with difficult people?

Constantly complaining about a difficult colleague or situation can earn you the label of 'whiner". Being an a working adult, managers would be surprised why you cannot resolve these issues like the mature professional that you are, even though your boss' tolerance of the situation is part of the problem.

The worse thing the can happen if you fail to resolve this is that, not only will you be blamed for being "unable to handle the situation like a mature professional", you may also be labeled as "difficult" too. Being labeled can have negative effects on your career.

Finally, if the situation further escalates, your boss, or even your entire organization, may get tired of you. You could lose your job because of this. Your boss may come to the conclusion that you are a "high maintenance" employee who can be easily replaced with a more cooperative person.

How to deal with a difficult co-worker?

To deal with difficult co-workers or situations, people sometimes resort to "approaches" that are dysfunctional - childish even. Some people would write anonymous letters and put them in a difficult colleague's mailbox. Some would place grooming products on a hygiene-challenged colleague's desk.

Then there are those approaches with disastrous results, like confronting a bully or putting insects in co-workers drawers which can lead to termination.

There are better ways to deal with a difficult situation or colleague.

Start by examining yourself. Think carefully if the other person is really the problem. Perhaps you are just overreacting. Think back if you have always had difficulty with a certain type of person. Study your interaction with colleagues. Know what ticks you off. We all have so-called "hot buttons" that are easily pushed. Always start with examining yourself to be certain that the object of your attention or your issues is a difficult colleagues actions towards you.

Analyze your situation with a trusted friend or colleague. Through analyzing with a trusted friend, you can confirm whether you are just overreacting or a difficult colleague is really giving you a tough time. Think of ways to resolve the problem. Being the object of a person's attacks makes it difficult for you to examine the situation objectively, especially if you feel that your boss seems to support your difficult colleague's actions.

When confiding in a friend or colleague, note closely the unspoken agreement you made when you ask for his/her help. You are committing to act, unless you agree that actions will only make matters worse. Otherwise, you are running the risk of being viewed as a whiner by your colleague.

Approach your difficult colleague for a private discussion. Talk to them in about what you are going through in terms of what you have been experiencing. This is called "I" messages. "I" messages basically means communicating with a focus on your experience of the situation, rather than on attacking or accusing the other person. You can also explain to your colleague how his /her action is creating an impact on you.

Be pleasant and agreeable as you talk to him/her. Some people are not aware of the impact of their actions or words on others. Your colleague may be just learning about the impact of their words or actions on you as you discuss it with him/her. They may have to consider and deal with how they interact with other people. The worst thing that can happen is either they deny it or try to explain it away. But for most difficult people, they simply do not care. What you should try to achieve in speaking with your difficult colleague is to reach an agreement about positive and supportive actions moving forward.

Determine whether you need a follow up discussion. Ask the following questions: has the behavior changed? Has it gotten better or worse? If it has grown worse, perhaps you need a follow up discussion. But first, determine whether having a follow up discussion will do any good. If yes, do you feel that you should confront with your difficult colleague by yourself? Be a peacemaker. Consider how badly you want your job and how badly you want to make peace with the other person. Have you received some form of support from your boss? If you think another discussion is futile, go to your next plan.

You can try confronting your difficult colleague's behavior publicly. You can address your difficult colleague's actions or words with humor or a bit of sarcasm. Or you can even act wounded by his/her actions or words by putting a hand over your heart.

You can also tell your difficult co-worker to consider important history when they make a decision, or use like words in a positive way. Direct confrontation works for some people in some situations. Telling a person right off the bat - publicly, i might add - to stop what they are doing doesn't always work. In fact, it may even make matters worse. You're best approach is to use positive confrontational maneuvers. It's up to you to make it work. If you are gifted with the ability to make people laugh, you can use that when dealing with your difficult colleague.

If you have tried everything stated above but saw no changes in your colleague's behavior towards you, then it's time to get other people involved. Keep in mind that you are taking the situation to the next level. Most likely, you will be talking to your boss, so be prepared. Review the situation. Take notes if you must. See the situation not as something interpersonal but as something that affects your work productivity and your progress. Recount to your boss exactly what your difficult co-worker does to you.

Create a plan to address the problems. If your difficult co-worker is under another manager, perhaps it is wise if you involve him too. Know that if your boss is a decent boss, he will most likely take your difficult colleague and his boss into a three or four-way discussion at this point. Expect a follow-up discussion.

Know if there are other employees who have issues with the difficult person also. You can rally your other colleagues and approach your boss. A group approach adds weight to your case and convinces the boss that the difficult person's behavior is affecting the workplace at a wider and deeper scope than he had originally thought. But be careful how you go about this. This approach might be misinterpreted by your other co-workers and your boss. Know if this approach will work in your boss. You are trying to resolve a situation; not rallying your colleague's to gang up on another employee.

If rallying your other co-workers does not work, try limiting your difficult person's access to you. Avoid this difficult this person whenever possible. Protect your work and the needs of your business but avoid working with the person as much as possible. Leave voluntary committees that you are both members of. Choose projects where he has no impact. Remember, do not hurt your career, but you can opt to avoid this person.

You can request to be transferred to another department inside you company.
Of course, taking into consideration your company's size, you may never have to work with this difficult co-worker again. Whoever said you can not high tail the situation.

If all else fails, quit your job. This is a last resort, but definitely an option. Sure, you may argue that you are not the difficult employee that you are just there to do your job. You're definitely right, but are you willing to put up with this negativity for your entire tenure at your company? Decide whether the good in the situation you're in right now (and the good in staying in your company) outweighs the bad.