Dealing With Co-worker Conflicts

In every organization, the potential for conflict between coworkers exists. Conflicts emerge from many sources. Common situations include the following: X perceives that Y slighted her; X believes Y took credit for his work; X and Y clash on matters not related to work (such as religion and politics); X thinks Y receives special treatment from the management; and X is extremely irritated by Y who constantly criticizes his suggestions during a team meeting. Whether these conflicts are isolated or ongoing, attempts at defusing and resolving conflicts early will help deflect explosive situations and eventually improve relations.

An isolated incident

In one of your team meetings, a coworker goes over the line by questioning your logic over and over again, constantly finding every flaw in your arguments, and downplaying your suggestions. Instead of throwing an ash tray at your rabid coworker or breaking his/her neck, consider the following:

It's human nature to get defensive especially when being criticized. Don't run amok. You have to learn to separate your ideas from yourself. You need to listen to what your critics are saying and examine the validity of their arguments. Also make sure that you understand where their issues come from in order for you to devise ways to explain your side.

Be diplomatic at all times. Always look for something about your coworker's argument that you find in tune with your position, and focus your conversation from there. You might also want to ask other coworkers for suggestions, but it's not advisable to ask them to take sides.

If everything else fails and the situation worsens, offer to address the subject later or discuss it in a separate meeting. Bear in mind that you won't get the shaft just because your suggestions don't materialize. Your goal should be to contribute ideas for the betterment of the business.

An ongoing problem

It's not uncommon for someone to have a coworker who he/she just doesn't get along with. There are many instances when a coworker appears friendly with everyone in the organization but you. Of course, it's not your goal to be Mr./Ms. Congeniality with everyone, but an ongoing conflict with a coworker can become a serious problem if left unaddressed. Here are some tips to consider:

Have a private meeting with your coworker if you're sure what the real issue is and address it directly without being confrontational. Don't appear intimidating or intimidated when you address the person. You have to be very diplomatic if you're to say some critical things about your coworker, and expect him/her to get very emotional and/or defensive. One alternative if you're uncomfortable with direct confrontation is to approach someone in HR or an understanding manager and ask them to mediate.

In case your unyielding coworker thinks that the problem is in you, be very open-minded and listen to his/her view before you start defending yourself. If you can't identify with his/her perspective, be considerate and compromise. For instance, if your coworker is offended by your foul mouth, agree to stop uttering offensive words when he/she is nearby.

Always expect an emotionally charged situation when confronting a coworker. Stay calm, be diplomatic as much as possible, and respect your coworker.